An Impeccable Host
As this is not a chronicle of the history of the Floating Oak, I do not find it necessary to follow any sort of rhyme or reason in what I write about. This is merely a selection of what it is to live and work in this truly exquisite place. I do, however, feel I would not be doing this little endeavor justice if I did not begin with my first curiosity - with a simple, unassuming earthen teapot made from a dull clay. Squat and small, with a wide, comfortable handle and a comically short spout. It appears to be made quite well, for certain, but is largely unremarkable, and would be out of place in the home of any moderately successful merchant. Nobility might even be offended by its presence.
It is a family heirloom, and the only treasure in the whole of the emporium which I would not part with for any reason, for it belonged to my father, and to his mother. Where she received it is a mystery, for it was so mundane as to pass from memory. My father, a merchant himself, would not do business without making a cup of tea for himself and any he was dealing with in the room, and credits this with much of his success. When he bequeathed it to me, I used it for the same for a time, before it came to rest here.
I have tested and tested and tested and tested and tested it over the decades, and it still confounds me! Tachmos, the Only Successful Time Wizard has no idea how it works. Bimit the Divinatrix hasn’t a single insight into it. It has never been confounded, never out-witted, and never ceased delighting, even as it frustrates.
My grandmother’s knack for anticipating guests and their requests seems to have seeped into this teapot, for it tells the future!
That is to say, it always knows who it is pouring tea for, and it always pours a cup of tea that the person drinking from the cup (henceforth known as the Drinker) would most enjoy. It can add the perfect amount of cream, sweetener, and other tea-adjacent additives to suit the palate of the Drinker. It can pour different varieties of tea from cup to cup, even if the leaves in the pot are different. It even pours tea hot enough that it’s as warm as the Drinker would like it, barring it being left alone long enough that any tea would cool. It will pour ice cold tea, even if boiling water is supplied.
Pouring tea into cups to intentionally swap them before serving always results in people receiving tea they’re most receptive to. Even someone making a mistake and grabbing the wrong cup will surely find the most delicious tea they’ve ever sipped.
Setting a cup down and forgetting it (for a reasonable amount of time) will still grant you a cup of tea that is to your liking, or as close as it could get given the normal course of a cup of tea cooling.
It changes what it pours to suit changes in peoples’ tastes over the years. I find that I like cream less and sweetener more, and have switched to a particular red tea.
It has poured varieties and preparations of tea that have caused far travelers long from their native lands to burst into great, heaving sobs, so homesick did it make them.
It will even add medicinal herbs for various ailments, if that is to the taste of the Drinker!
I attribute it to saving my life and the lives of others, for when no one will drink from the cup, it merely pours lukewarm water, which makes for a very dramatic revelation. It also sometimes makes for a frustrating afternoon where I am simply too busy to sit down to enjoy a simple drink.
Some have pointed to the idea that it is merely the illusion of palatable tea, but many in-depth, complicated, robust tests have shown no sign of illusion, transfiguration, or enchantment. The tea that gets tested is always mundane (if sometimes deeply extravagant), non-magical tea.
I pour from it often and frequently for any who have even a slight whim for tea - guests, my apprentices, foes, strangers, potential customers, all. It has brought me great comfort on bitter nights, both from the basic comfort of a cup of tea, and for the sweet memory of my grandmother pouring for me from this very pot. It is a dearly held artifact, and maybe the most unique of all of my curios.
The only shortcoming that has been noted on this little thing is that you’re out of luck if you would rather have anything other than tea.